Potato Soup
by Laerkstrein
Summary: When Luki and Noki grow tired of eating spaghetti at Buon Viaggio, they enlist their "big brother" Giovanni to make them something to eat. But what's Giovanni to do when the twins hate what he feeds them?


**Disclaimer:** I don't own _DOGS: Bullets & Carnage, _or any of the characters used in this fic. They all belong to Shirow Miwa. I only own any original characters that I choose to include, as well as any of my own original plot ideas.

**Potato Soup**

**A/N:** If you've noticed the title, this is obviously a crack-fic. After being addicted to DOGS for so many weeks, each time I cook lately it makes me wonder, "Can Giovanni cook? And if he could, would Luki and Noki eat it?" And as I just so happened to make potato soup today, I've decided to write this. And writing this also counts for some of my writing time for the day, which is excellent practice for me. So, it doubles as entertainment and practice. And, unfortunately, as I write this, I am attempting to gather the last few Pokemon for my Hoenn Dex in order to get a Johto starter Pokemon, but that's another story all together. XD (Yes, I LOVE Pokemon! :D)

* * *

"I'm hungry, Luki!" Noki whined to her sister as the twins walked down the street.

Luki looked at her twin for a moment, and sighed, having heard her own stomach growl. "Me too," she said.

"Where should we eat, Luki? Should we go to Buon Viaggio for spaghetti again?"

Luki shook her head. Both she and Noki loved the food that was available at Buon Viaggio, but Luki was getting tired of eating the same old thing every time they came up to the surface. Taking Noki's hand, Luki walked down the street, looking at every restaurant sign in sight, hoping to find something new and exciting to eat. After a few minutes of searching, the twins sighed, taking a seat on a nearby bench. Nothing they saw seemed to be good enough.

"There's nothing better than Buon Viaggio, Noki," Luki whined as tears welled up in her eyes. "But I'm tired of spaghetti!"

Noki put a hand on her sister's head as Luki began to cry. "Don't cry, Luki," Noki said. "Let's go home. Maybe Gio-nii will know where we can eat."

--

"Gio-nii!" The twins cried in unison as they knocked on Giovanni's door. "Gio-nii, we need help!"

Having heard no sound from inside for several minutes, the twins looked at each other worriedly.

"I have an idea, Luki!" Noki said. "We can pick the lock!"

"Yes!" Luki agreed, and the two got to work on Giovanni's lock.

Almost the instant they inserted a knife into the lock, the two each felt a hand on their shoulders. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but what the hell are you doing?"

Luki and Noki turned around and saw Giovanni. Without even bothering to answer his question, the twins dropped what they were doing and clung to Giovanni's legs, rendering him immobile. "GIO-NII!!!" The twins sobbed as Giovanni attempted to free himself. "We're HUNGRY!!!!"

"What?! So that's why you're trying to break into my room?! That doesn't even make any sense!!" Giovanni shouted, tuggind at the twins' hoods. "Just go back up to Buon Viaggio and eat there like you always do!"

Noki looked up at Giovanni with sad eyes. "But Gio-nii, we're _tired_ of spaghetti, and there's no where else to eat up there! We're HUNGRY!!!!"

Giovanni smacked his forehead in shock. "Have you ever thought of actually _cooking_ for yourselves? It's not that hard."

The twins' eyes lit up at this, and looked up at their brother. "Cooking?" they said in unison. "Can you show us what this cooking is, Gio-nii?"

"Let go of me, and I'll think about it...."

--

Despite what Giovanni had said about considering teaching Luki and Noki to cook, he ended up being dragged into the kitchen by the twins without being given said opportunity to contemplate anything. Luki and Noki had, surprisingly, tied Giovanni up within the apron that they had found hanging on the handle of the oven. And now, poor Giovanni was greatly relucant to teach the girls anything, out of fear that they might set fire to themselves or, worse, to him and his jacket.

"I really don't think this is a good idea," Giovanni muttered aloud. "I don't think that the two of you should handle anything sharp, hot, or.... Just go sit down and don't touch anything...."

The twins, not understanding why their big brother didn't want them touching anything, shrugged at each other, and skipped into the next room to watch some television. As Giovanni began pulling various vegetables (carrots, celery, potatoes, and onion) out of the refrigerator, he heard Luki and Noki fighting over the remote.

"No, Noki! You had it last time! It's Luki's turn to pick!"

"Um, Luki is stupid. It's Noki's turn! Luki picked yesterday!"

Deciding that it was better for the girls to fight over the remote instead of the various sharp objects lying around the kitchen, Giovanni ignored the quarrelling, and turned to the pot on the stove, and began pouring three cans of chicken broth inside before he began chopping up the vegetables. Once the vegetables were cut up, he set the temperature on the burner to _MEDIUM_, and proceeded to dump the chopped vegetables into the pot, securing the contents of said pot with the lid.

Finally managing to untangle himself from the massive knot the twins had tied on the back of the apron, Giovanni threw the damned thing to the floor, and went into the next room to find both Luki and Noki sitting in separate corners where they cried their eyes out. Without a word, Giovanni stared at the object that had caused the twins such distress.

The television had been broken in half.

"What the fuck?!" Giovanni shouted. "What the hell did you two do?!"

Luki looked up at her brother from her corner and wiped her eyes. "It's Noki's fault," she whimpered. "Noki wouldn't let Luki have the remote, so Luki went to change the channel with the buttons on the TV. But Noki didn't like that, and attacked me. NOKI BROKE THE TV!!!!"

"Luki is a liar," Noki chimed in. "Luki tried to take the remote away from Noki, but Noki wouldn't let Luki have it. So Luki tried to change the channel on Noki, and when Noki tried to stop Luki, Luki pushed Noki into the TV! So, Luki broke the TV! Not Noki! You're so mean, Luki!"

Giovanni sighed in frustration. "I'm never leaving you two alone with anything again... Now, get your butts into the kitchen and sit down _away_ from each other!"

--

"Here," Giovanni said, placing a bowl of soup in front of each of the girls. "Now eat your soup, and don't talk to each other."

Noki picked up her spoon and poked at one of the carrots that was floating in the broth. "Eww," she said. "Noki doesn't like carrots, Gio-nii."

"And Luki doesn't like onions," Luki said, making a face.

Giovanni's eye twitched behind his glasses. "Really? Well, why the hell didn't you tell me that _before_ I went to all the trouble of feeding you brats?!"

"Luki, we should go up to Buon Viaggio," Noki said, ignoring Giovanni. "Kiri knows what we like! She knows how to make everything right!"

"Yes, Noki," Luki agreed, taking her sister's hand. "Mama Kiri knows just how to make our food."

With that, the twins vanished, leaving a steaming Giovanni standing in the kitchen.

"I am _never_ doing this again...."

* * *

XDD Oh, Luki and Noki. They're so fun to write. I think I captured them pretty well, even if Giovanni is slightly out-of-character. But I can definetly see him getting pissed off about something like this. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Now please favorite and review! ;)


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